Bigger is Better... But Only By Will of the Handle
by Mistress of the Yaoi Files
Summary: A dirtied version of Sirius Dogstar(my sibs) version.....HEHEHEHEHE> LOLOLOL...Have fun!!!


Bigger is Better  
  
By Sirius Dogstar  
  
altered by her sibling: Mistress of the Yaoi Files!  
  
Tifa was about to head to head into the bedroom where someone waited when she overheard Cloud and Cid arguing in the next room. "Mine is a lot bigger than yours!" Cloud yelled with cocky confidence.  
  
"Dream on damn punk!" Cid retorted. Deeming this to be a worthy eavesdropping event, she sat down.  
  
"Mine is huge! Yours is just so puny! Small and thin… like a thin little wormy."  
  
"What?" Cid shouted. "Mine is three times as large as yours, and a hell of a lot meaner looking!!" Meanwhile, Aeris stepped up behind Tifa.  
  
"What's going on?" she asked. "Aren't you coming to bed, Tifa?" Tifa grinned, hoping to at least corrupt Aeris's mind even further than she had already done.  
  
"Why not sit here beside me and find out?" she replied.  
  
"Eh, nothing else to do while I'm waiting," Aeris said with a shrug as she sat down beside Tifa.  
  
"Maybe so Cid," Cloud said, "But mine has a bigger head!"  
  
"True," Cid admitted. "But mine is sharper. Much better at getting to the important stuff."  
  
"Oh my," Aeris said blushing furiously at Tifa. Meanwhile Yuffie came up.  
  
"Hey gals!" she shouted. "What's going on?"  
  
"You don't want to know, youngin, this is for the big gals to eavesdrop on," Aeris said.  
  
"Then I do!" Yuffie said with glee, sitting down just in time to hear Cloud say,  
  
"Okay so yours is bigger than mine and more pointed, but mine is bigger and better."  
  
"Is not!"  
  
"Is too!"  
  
"This ain't getting us nowhere Cloud," Cid said. "Let's just take them out and compare." The sound of unzipping was heard.  
  
"Now this is great!" Yuffie exclaimed grinning.  
  
"What is?" Red asked as he padded up towards the group, looking sleep deprived.  
  
"Um… er… nothing," Aeris said, her cheeks still a furious red. Tifa patted her hand gently.  
  
"Nothing is always something," Red said as he sat down.  
  
"Oh boy," Aeris said shaking her head. Meanwhile, Cloud continued his fight.  
  
"There! Feels much better to be holding it!" Cloud said. "Much more limber and comfortable to have it in my hands once again!"  
  
"Hell yeah!" Cid said. "But mine is still better."  
  
"Is not!"  
  
"Is too!"  
  
"Yours is generic," Cid said. "Mine is exotic…no one could have a better one. Your's can be bought at any cheap corner."  
  
"Well I'll be," Red said with shock.  
  
"I'll be what?" Cait Sith asked as he came up behind the group. When the gang was silent the cat exclaimed, "You are hiding something from me and I am going to find out what!" He sat down as well, holding his microphone to the door.  
  
"So we have unsheathed them from their protective casings and we still do not know who's is better," Cloud muttered.  
  
"We could try a little battle," Cid said sweetly.  
  
"Well… I may hurt you Cid. Badly."  
  
"That's the fun of it! What do you say? I know I would enjoy a little sparring with my favorite sparring partner," he said in a patronizing voice.  
  
"All right then!"  
  
"Scandalous!" Cait said grinning. "This will be great in the Midgar News!"  
  
"What story?" Barret asked as he walked up. "Red, where did you go? I missed my favorite furry plush toy in bed."  
  
Red shushed Barret with a paw, and pointed at the door. Barret nodded, and sat beside Red.  
  
"And what are you all doing here gathered around Cloud's bedroom?" Vincent asked, walking up behind Barret, a lazy early morning erection just visible in his pants.  
  
"Oh you'll see," Cait said.  
  
"Oh boy," Aeris said again.  
  
"No fair sticking it there Cid!" Cloud shouted in agony. "That spot's out of bounds, and you know it!"  
  
"Where else should I put it?" Cid asked. "Your mouth?"  
  
"Yeah, that would be nice, be a little bit more roomy for that big rod thingy of yours!" Cloud said.  
  
"You can't even stand it! See mine is better! Yours won't even fit. How can you use something that unwieldy? Mine is nice and springy, fits into the smallest and tightest places."  
  
"Okay you win!" Cloud yelled. "Just remove it from my ass! Only one object goes there, and this ain' it! Take it out!"  
  
"Your Ultima gave my old Venus Gospel a run for her money!" Cid said slapping Cloud on the back as the pair opened the door to find everyone.  
  
"Um… hi," Yuffie said.  
  
"I knew it was their weapons the whole time," Barret said just as Cid said,  
  
"Are we still on for tonight Cloud? I want to finish this spar, the right way."  
  
"Sure!" Cid then looked to his comrades, leaning on his spear, a prominent bulge in his half-zipped pants.  
  
"Did you have fun?" he asked.  
  
Tifa looked at Aeris, then at Cid. Both girls giggled, then spoke. "We think we learned some new techniques macho man, but right now, both of us are going to bed."  
  
The two women walked out of that cramped hallway, hand in hand.  
  
"Sure did!" Yuffie said. Stretching like a cat, she looked coyly at Vincent. "Vinnie, care to spar weapons with me sometime?"  
  
vincent nodded and began walking with her. Looking back, he spoke, "Vinnie is going to finally get lucky! Everyone cheer! Damn Jenova cells make me horny as hell, what with having no penis in Chaos form and all. God I am so fucking glad I get to fuck tonight!"  
  
"Oh yes," Barret added to Cid's statement, "it was an erectifying experience."  
  
"Don't you mean electrifying?" Cid asked.  
  
"Nope," Barret said as he walked off with ore than a slight bulge in his pants and a wobble in his walk. Red promptly followed.  
  
Cid turned to Cloud.  
  
"Now, Cloud, are we ready to "spar"? I know I am."  
  
Unbuckling his pants, Cid dropped them.  
  
Cloud burst into laughter.  
  
"Now that is a puny little weapon! Mine is so much nicer."  
  
Cid grinned.  
  
" Do you know how to properly use that weapon? Here, let me show you how to properly grasp and twist that."  
  
Cloud grinned and laughed, and the sparring match commenced. 


End file.
